She Is Just Not That Into You

A boy sees a girl at some party or some marriage or just on the road buying vegetables. Her eyes are mystical, her lips are red, her smile is radiant, and she carries herself gracefully like a dancer. He goes behind her and tries to impress her. Now she sees him and realises that someone is following her. She over-reacts and gets the guy beaten up, or gives him some ‘gaalis’. Her face has a permanent frown on seeing the hero goof up. Yet he keeps following her and they bump into each other again. It’s all ‘kismat ka khel’. After a while, the boy somehow breaks the ice and makes the heroine fall for him. All this while, the girl was just playing hard to get. She was also obviously into him because she just falls in love with random stalkers. Sounds familiar?

That pretty much sums up our romantic movies. The hero always gets the girl in the end. The girl needs him more than anything and just pretends that she is fine by her own. We keep talking about how these Yash-Raj movies give girls a false hope. We forget that it does more harm to the boys as well. Boys think it’s their duty to stalk the girl till she becomes his because that is what Shahrukh Khan does on big screen. So they follow her and keep pestering her to love them back. They have no idea what respecting other’s feeling is. In our patriarchal society, it is often the boys who must chase girls. It talks about their manliness. They assume that girls are just waiting about for a stalker like a damsel in distress. They just don’t get it that she genuinely doesn't like them and would want to be left in peace. The never-give-up attitude comes to play. Egos get crushed. And hence rises the phoenix of crime.

The boys have physical power and access to all the equipment they need. They believe that the girl they are chasing dares to smug them off. It now becomes a play of power. It becomes ‘yeh ladki meri nahi toh kisi ki nahi ho sakti.’ Some throw acid on the innocent girl’s face and life. Sometimes they resort to murder. Sometimes they stick their filthy dicks inside her vagina to teach her a lesson and show her place in the society. They make sure that the girl is ruined for rejecting them.

Ours is a patriarchal society where men think they can have whatever they want and get away with it. Women are still suppressed to great heights.   Our Bollywood movies don’t help either. It is considered that if a woman is raped, it compromises the honour of her father/brother/husband. The rapist definitely objectify her, but what is to say of such a society. Is she a trophy of honour to her family? Gangsters rape mothers, sisters, wives and daughters as a medium of revenge. Nobody actually cares about the abuse done to her body.

Religion plays a vital role in encouraging male dominance. Many religions encourage beating wives who are disobedient and rebellious. She is supposed to be answerable to ‘her man’. Women are nothing but properties of our father later on handed over to a husband. Since they do a ‘meherbani’ of taking care of the daughter, they demand lump sum amount in ‘dowry’. We cannot fight against sexual injustice until we learn not to objectify women and respect her feelings and right. If she doesn't want to marry you or do exactly as you say, you have to understand that she has her freedom to do so. That won’t make you any less a man, if it will; it will make you more of a human.

P.S. – A note to women, if a guy asks you out or proposes you, please don’t slap them. Politely reject them if you aren't interested. There is nothing wrong in harmless asking out and we must also learn to respect feelings. 

To all my English speaking audience:

Gaalis - abusive words

kismat ka khel - game of luck

yeh ladki meri nahi toh kisi ki nahi ho sakti - If this girl doesn't become mine, she won't be anybody's

meherbani - favour